I am very scared of falling in love? (I have social anxiety and anxiety)?
When I was 14, I was deeply hurt by a boy I fell in love with (but I knew him on the net only) but it broke my heart still, when he told me he had a girlfriend. I was depressed for a long time after that and I think that’s how I probably started to develope my anxiety/social anxiety cause i had a nervous break down because of this, yeah I wasn’t strong enough yet.
But now is like I am turning 18 in 1 week and I am very scared to fall in love again, I don’t know why. It’s just some sort of bad feeling with love and “choosing the one” the right guy for me, when there are so many and obviously one who won’t hurt me again. I know men can be cheaters the majority of time, so i dont wanna be depressed, but I know that if I dont let go of this fear ill never find love. Now the thing thats making me very nervous is that I have social anxiety and almost never go out of my home (Now i will start trying) and im gonna be getting a job soon, but i am nervous about meeting new guys because i dont have much love experience (physical). and Ive never had a boyfriend before due to being lonely all of my teen years, never kissed either. it’s pretty sad i know but I wont give up.
But it does get me a bit down when i think about it, I mean an 18 year old who’ve never kissed, I hope I don’t become like a 40-year old virgin haha
Anyways, my parents divorced when i was 12 and my dad left the country 2 years ago.
I dont know whether I should believe in marriage or not(I dont believe in marriage, just love). I WANT to find my soulmate one day though and i know when the right time is he will come, but i’m also scared….of not finding the right one for me, who will accept me, even if i have no love experience and with my sad..I don’t want a jerk to take my virginity, since young I’ve experienced alot of break ups in my family so I think this is why im scared. A part of me says I wont give my all to love just so I wont be hurt, just a little bit of me, if the guy cheats on me at least i wont be ‘that’ hurt. I know is egoistical of me, but it’s because of my bad experiences.
Some piece of advice and I will be very grateful
Please don’t laugh at my situation thanks…..
~Soph
Yeah I have to get better with my s.a.d first…thanks guys!
that makes me feel alot better 
believe it or not.
Yeah, I learned from my experience don’t worry…I just don’t wanna be hurt in real life too, I guess cause I already been through much suffering with all this social anxiety, depression etc.
But like everyones saying you are all right, I have to put myself out there more, feel better cure my sad and then the right one will come along….
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Right now just concentrate on getting yourself together and feeling better about yourself! Don’t worry so much about relationships,if the right guy comes along at the right time I’m sure things will be fine!!!
Don’t worry, when you’re feeling down you can just think of me and say, “Ha that loser’s 19 and he hasn’t been kissed either.”
Learning to trust is part of life :]
It’s normal to be scared, just dont let it take over you!
You’ll be fine if you put yourself out there!
stop thinking unproductively.
You are playing a lot of mind games with yourself. Internet relationships are not real! I know it may seem real to you, but your just putting yourself through unnecessary emotional and mental turmoil. Your letting yourself become too attached to some fantasy, through chatting, corresponding, phone calls or whatever you did! When you have a real relationship some day, you will realize this internet thing was not real. Internet relationships just play into your mind and emotions, but they have no substance. But that did not cause your social anxiety! That’s just a part of who you are! You look like a cute young girl and you just have to make the effort to be open, make friends, let yourself get out there, dating, friendship, and take it from there. You sound sensitive, so I agree dont rush into anything or have sex with a boy unless it’s someone you really care about and vice versa. if you think an internet fling broke your heart, wait until you give it away to a boy, than he turns around and cheats on you, or leaves you for someone else. Than you’ll know what heartache is really about. Take your time, and wait for the right one. Be wise who you choose, someone has something to offer, maturity, job or career, and a nice sweet guy!
By the way I have been in internet relationships so I know what I’m talking about. After my divorce for several years I did this to help me get through a difficult period. Like I said your mind and emotions can get sucked into it. It seems real, but in reality it is not until you meet someone and have a relationship in real life!
When you said “I know men can be cheaters the majority of time,” that is rather closed minded, but please take no offense. Not all men are cheaters, in fact, there are plenty of men out in the world in the same exact situation as you are, scared to open up and are trying to find the “one.” In fact, I am in that situation myself. I’m about to turn 19 myself in a few days and I’ve never had that first kiss either. Sometimes I feel that I too will be a 40 year virgin…But what I’ve noticed as time went on is that you are opened up to things very slowly. You may be scared right now to, but the only way to overcome that fear is to take it head on. Now, I’m not telling you to jump into the deep end of the pool (analogy), but start at the shallow end and progress. Take things slowly. You’ll meet new people as time goes on and eventually you will overcome your fear, but the one thing you DO need is the will to do it, because without a will, there is no way. Right now you know you have a problem when it comes to socializing, but now that you’ve identified your problems, you’re on the road to solving it. Please remember though that not all men are cheaters. Its only a blurred judgment that was made because of your past love. You should not hold that one experience accountable for what you think other men are.
just make sure you go with that rare guy that believes in loyalty and unselfishness, to avoid the jerks, don’t go out with them!
I know how u feels because i was badly hurt by someone that i really loved recently because of that i also develop social anxiety too. I recently meet a nice guys and im 100% sure that he like me too but im very scare to start a new relationship so im finding a lots ways to push him away and i do have feelings for him too. im goanna see him a lot next month.
(we work together at catering services). Don’t worry you still young. Im already 24!! i think you should go and find Social Psychology. Is only cost 25 aus per sessions. I t will help you get your life on track.
I had social anxiety when I was your age and I used to drink a lot to cover it – its pretty common for people your age. I got over it though.
A few months ago I had a really bad period of anxiety again where I couldnt leave the house. I was put on an antidepressant called Duloxetine and seriously I never get anxiety or panic attacks anymore – it worked like a miracle for me. There are also other anti anxiety drugs like Zyprexa which can get rid of those symptoms so you can lead a normal social life. Dont feel like drugs are bad and you should battle this on your own because they really can turn you into a totally different person.
You’re only 18 – seriously you will find someone. Once you work on your anxiety you will be able to get out there more and socialise more. I used to be so bad in social situations I had to get really drunk to be able to talk to people but tonight I went out to a bar when I hardly knew anyone and I didnt drink at all and I was fine.
One last thing I will say is FORCE yourself to do things you are not comfortable with. Take baby steps – and set little challenges for yourself – like today I will go to the shopping mall alone and I will strike up a conversation with a shop assistant. Then once you get more comfortable set bigger challenges. With medication and this approach you will get a lot better. Please talk to your doctor about medication for your anxiety – tell him/ her that it is so bad you can’t leave the house.
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You are playing a lot of mind games with yourself. Internet relationships are not real! I know it may seem real to you, but your just putting yourself through unnecessary emotional and mental turmoil. Your letting yourself become too attached to some fantasy, through chatting, corresponding, phone calls or whatever you did! When you have a real relationship some day, you will realize this internet thing was not real. Internet relationships just play into your mind and emotions, but they have no substance. But that did not cause your social anxiety! That’s just a part of who you are! You look like a cute young girl and you just have to make the effort to be open, make friends, let yourself get out there, dating, friendship, and take it from there. You sound sensitive, so I agree dont rush into anything or have sex with a boy unless it’s someone you really care about and vice versa. if you think an internet fling broke your heart, wait until you give it away to a boy, than he turns around and cheats on you, or leaves you for someone else. Than you’ll know what heartache is really about. Take your time, and wait for the right one. Be wise who you choose, someone has something to offer, maturity, job or career, and a nice sweet guy!
By the way I have been in internet relationships so I know what I’m talking about. After my divorce for several years I did this to help me get through a difficult period. Like I said your mind and emotions can get sucked into it. It seems real, but in reality it is not until you meet someone and have a relationship in real life!
* 6 hours ago
As the saying goes “once bitten, twice shy”.
If you don’t allow yourself to let go of your heart, you will never have any permanent relationships and possible never marry or have kids or have any true happiness.
If you do let go of your heart and you get bitten again, then perhaps your choice of guys needs to be seriously reviewed. Try different types of guys and wait till they show their true feelings before you let them see your true heart.
The first time you experience heart break is the worse, you feel it deeper and stronger because you gave your heart.
You will find someone when you are not looking it’s works that way all the time.
Being hurt is a part of life and it happens to everyone, that is why their are so many love songs and breakup songs.
Don’t let the fear of being hurt stop you from going out and having some wonderful memories.
I have a panic and anxiety disorder also, so I do understand those feelings and I hope you are getting help for that.
Just because things didn’t work out with your mom and dad doesn’t mean that things won’t work out for you.
You have to kiss a few toads until you find a prince.
Soph, when you were 14 you were expecting a perfect relationship. Those seldom work out in real life and almost never in internet relationships. It was your first time to be in love and it failed because there is no where for a perfect relationship to go except downhill. Perfection can’t be reached or certainly cannot be maintained even if you think you have achieved it.
Today you are a young woman on the brink of adulthood, ready for an adult relationship with a real person of your choosing. No more internet as most adults don’t need a relationship with an electronic image.
Try this and see if it works. Go on small dates and for short periods of time. Go for coffee, take a walk after work or school, talk on the phone for a few minutes at bedtime. Do usual things that people do before they become lovers and partners.
Try this with several people and enjoy the variety without any expectation of a long term relationship developing. Go different places and don’t compare one person with another so as to avoid disappointment. Each person will be different and, hopefully, wonderful in their own right.
If you expect disappointment and heartbreak, then you almost certainly will find something about each one that will cause that heartbreak. I don’t say this lightly or sarcastically. Each person probably has the potential to be a satisfactory relationship partner, but you have to find the good points as well as the bad and, again, hopefully, the good before the bad.
OK, so you start with some get acquainted “dates” or brief meetings. You get some sense of people you might like and they get some chance to meet and talk with you. Don’t discuss problems with anyone at this stage of relationship building. Those things are for people you are acquainted with and only when you know them very well.
Gradually stretch those mini-meetings (really get-acquainted sessions) into longer meetings, like a brief dinner or movie. If you can’t trust at this point, you may have to take yourself to these longer meetings. Note, I did not call them dates as you aren’t up to being that familiar with anyone yet, if you have problems of this magnitude.
If your slightly longer meetings work out, don’t jump into relationship too quickly. You need to chose someone whom you feel you can trust at that point. It will take several weeks or months of “seeing” someone that is going to be well enough trusted to start that relationship.
Now, the bad news. Unless you are looking to older guys, say 22-24 years old, you are not apt to find a guy who wants a long term relationship that is near you age. Most guys want to “sow their oats,” so to speak, and a relationship isn’t going to give them a chance to meet and see all the different women they want at this point in their lives.
You may have to take this tack as well, seeing young men and moving on when there is another who comes along or the notion suits you. Avoiding attachment is a byword for young men and women at your point in life, but, in your case, it may not be entirely a bad thing.
I hope this gives you some ideas of how to enter the world of relationships without being fearful. Relax and take baby steps to reach your goal. Avoid reliving the past and, above all, don’t dwell on problems you may have, emotional or otherwise, with new acquaintances. Good luck and I will say a prayer for you as you travel along this way.
I know exactly what your going thru, seriously I was so much like this when I was your age! I had an anxiety disorder for 10 years. It was rough! But luckly, I am so much better now, It gets easier as you get older, you just have to work on it as much as you can! I did an at-home program called Attacking Anxiety, its a course that takes about 3-4 months, but It worked soooo good for me! I love it! I haven’t had anxiety or a panic attack since I finished it (about a year ago), I don’t remember the website, but you should google it. The program is by The Midwest Center for Stress and Anxiety
I wish you sooooo much luck!!!!!!