My best friend and I have recently helped each other through breakups with other people, and by recently I mean his occurred like four months ago and mine was finalized last month after about two years of domestic abuse and plenty of other overall problems finally got to be too much and I had to call the cops, whereupon he was arrested and is no longer able to contact me. I was with my ex for six years, and my friend was with his for almost three. We’ve both been very supportive of one another and everything has been at the friend-level, although very close friends.

During this past few monts, many people have mistaken my friend and I for a couple, and not just people we don’t know. We’re both very involved with a performing arts organization and have worked closely together with a lot of people who seem to think we’re made for each other. In fact, I’ve had at least twenty people we know approach me since I split with my ex and said things like “Are you FINALLY going to let (my friend) fall in love with you and marry you, now that the bastard is gone?”. Oddly enough, no one says anything about “dating” and everyone is talking marriage and kids lol.

At least six or seven very attractive women have demonstrated a great deal of interest in my friend since he split with his ex, all of them finding me an uncomfortable add-on to him. To the point that every one of these women has first tried to “assess” where I am with him, and upon realizing how close we are, tried to “bump me out of the ring” and create distance between us so that they could get closer. All kids of “girl-games” have been attempted, every one of them failing miserably and disgusting him. He then spends even MORE time with me and discontinues even general conversation with these other interested women. Lots of women have come on very strong, and that’s made him uncomfortable as well, because he’s not a “casual intimacy” kind of guy either.

I don’t go a day without getting at least one phonecall from him, if not seeing and spending time with him. He tells me everything.. he tells me about wanting to be very serious and selective about the next woman he is with, because he wants marriage and children, which is something we both feel strongly about in regard to dating anyone again. We are both past our twenties, and we have almost everything in common, to the point that we practically speak to each other in our own little language and talk to each other more than anyone else. When we are working within our performing group, he looks at me the entire time and if I’m NOT looking at him, he’ll do something to get my attention until I do. He’s always trying to make me laugh, he worries about my well-being and happiness constantly, and when I had to go through the process of getting my ex out of here, he practically protected me night and day for over a week.

Now, I find that we’re getting close to the idea at times of an “us” and he backs WAY the hell off as soon as he realizes it. All the same, he treats me like I’m with him most of the time, seemingly til he realizes that he’s acting like my boyfriend or partner and then he kinda puts some distance there. Never enough where he doesn’t call, doesn’t ask about me, doesn’t care or leaves me alone.. but like, a pointed effort to keep it casual if it gets to couple-like intimacy.

Ever since my ex and I finally split, the up-and-down cycle of close-back off-closer-back off has increased by a lot and I don’t know what’s going on. I’ve never had a man go this crazy to make sure I was taken care of and cared for, and tried so hard to have my undivided attention all of the time, and then WASN’T interested. He seems to hold me and who I am in very high regard, and to have a great deal of respect and admiration for me. Could it be possible that he IS interested and is trying to be careful? Am I losing my mind? The thing is, I AM very interested in him and we talked about it once while I was in the break-up process with my ex, and at the time he said there was no interest there on his end, but I wonder now if it was because he just couldn’t think of me that way while my ex was still around or what?

I am so confused.. lol. Help? Somebody?

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