Alright…I am usually really level headed and am good at making sound judgements…But I am not sure what to do here.

So here it goes…Sorry for the length here! My boyfriend (and recently fiance) Dan moved here from California (here being DC) to be with me. We have been living together for a year now, and everything is great and we are having a blast. A few years ago, he was with this girl Jessica for about 2 years. She wanted to marry him but he was not feeling the same way, and I guess she hurt him pretty badly because all he tells me now is that he thinks there is something wrong with her mentally because she just disppeared on him one day and left him to go to Nevada. He is a private guy and hates talking about ex’s for the same reason most people do. And he is a typical guy, hates talking feelings and prefers to leave the past where it is.

About a year ago (2 years after their breakup), she sent him an email saying how sorry she was and how she is a better person now since she goes to church (like that changes a person just because they go, get real). She went on to say how she hopes he can forgive her for how she treated him and just that she wanted to let him know she was sorry. He didnt respond.

He didnt hear from her again, until this past weekend. Out of nowhere, this girl calls him crying and leaves a voicemail thats like, 6-7 minutes long. She is sobbing and carrying on about how she “needs someone to talk to” and he is the “only person who understands her” and she was sorry and loved him. Then, 15 MINUTES LATER she calls back again! She leaves another message, this time a little less dramatically…”I miss you…I just talked to Mike for 2 hours on the phone last night, trust me I really need to talk to you…I miss my best friend, I love you…I will always love you and there will always be a place in my heart for you…So I hear you are living in DC now, really? *giggles* I hope sometime in this millenium you will think about calling me back, I miss you so much. You know the number”

My boyfriend kept her number in his phone because he does not like not knowing who is calling, but I do the same…Even if I cant stand a person, I want to know NOT to answer the phone you know? So when she called, he looked like he had seen a ghost and told me to look at his phone and there was her name…The most aggravating part is she had a 2 hour conversation with HIS best friend Mike the night before and Mike conveniently does not mention to her that yes he lives here in DC, with ME, his FIANCE! Conveniently, that minor detail was left out…And something he said must have given her some courage to call because suddenly she is calling him! I would think that a girl who knows her ex is about to get married is not going to call him and act that pathetic…Then again, people have a funny way of deciding what to hear and what to tune out.

So what should I do? I am by no means jealous, I know that he would rather jump off of a blimp than talk to her or deal with her nonetheless leave me for her…And she has not called since…But something about this entire little situation bothers me, its like she wont give up and since she may not know I exist, she is sort of storming in on m “territory” so to speak. I want her to know I exist so she stops or at least gets the hint that he is not interested since he refuses to speak to her. After 2 years she breaks her silence with an email, then again a year later with those voicemails…Who is to say she wont do this again every now and again until she is satisfied? Its annoying!

I dont want to cause waves with my fiance, who will undoubtedly tell me to let it go since he could care less….But its a matter of comfort here. Most of my guy friends (and I have a lot, Im not a girl kind of chick) said they would be uncomfortable with this if it was the reverse, and my fiance’s friend Dave went so far as to say that if his ex was doing this crap he would just hand the phone to his GF and let her deliver the bad news that he cant come to the phone…Should I call this girl? Text her? Email her? I dont want to be nasty, but I want her to know that we are not comfortable with her calling and that she needs to leave him alone, as if ignoring her emails and calls for years was not an indicator of that alone. I want her to know that I exist and that she is being inappropriate and invasive, because clearly she has no clue that I exist and he wont talk to her. Is that a good idea? My better judgement tells me no, because then she may start calling and getting nuts with him if I do that…Or, she could go away…I also dont want him to be miffed that I decided to do that since she has not called again…Im just a little conflicted here. I dont want to fuel the fire, but this is really obnoxious and I just cant put my finger on why it makes me so ticked off. It just does not seems so disrespectful. Any advice?

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