Relationship ended due to his depression. Need some advice/input?
How does depression affect a relationship? Do you find it difficult to communicate with the people in your life that you love the most, and find yourself cutting them out of your life? More specifically, have you had to end a relationship because of it, but couldn’t bring yourself to communicate any further with that person even if they were offering support and help?? I’ve found myself in this situation, and don’t know what to do to help him. I’m trying to be a friend to him, but he’s not very responsive to me and I don’t know if I should leave him be or keep offering support and letting him know I am there so he knows that I haven’t abandoned him. I’m just having a hard time trying to figure out his unresponsiveness. He doesn’t seem to want anything to do with me
I’m trying to be patient. We were going out for about 3 months when he told me it wouldn’t work out for now because he had to fix things in his life so he could be happy. This all happened about 6 months ago. Still has not given a definite answer on the relationship, he just doesn’t know what will happen. I’ve been offering support as a friend, and every once in a while I write an email to see how he’s doing and to let him know I am there. Some he responds to, some he doesn’t. He did respond to me last week, a few days after I had sent him an email encouraging him to get help. He said things have been painful and agonizing, and that the help he is getting isn’t enough because his mind is still really uncomfortable. He plays in a band, and said that’s all he really needs but everything else in his life still seems to be a disaster. I’m just looking for any input on his situation and what, if anything, I should do. I don’t want to give up on him…..
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Filed under: Ending a Relationship
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lady… nobody wants to read that much to answer ur stupid question. im being honest
The hard part here is you can not do anything, he has to fix it on his own, unfortunately it probably will get worse and I would cut the strings…
I would leave him alone. He’ll come to you when and if he’s ready to start the relationship back up.
I dated a depressive man for seven years, and I have a few words of advice for you:
BE GLAD IT WAS ONLY THREE MONTHS, AND RUN LIKE HELL ITSELF IS PURSUING YOU!
I’m not kidding. You CANNOT help this man, and you will only drive yourself crazy trying. The only thing that can help him is medication.
go with him to psychatric, the dr will solve this depression thing =)
u & hime will feel better , dont leave him alone in the time he need you =)
no guy thats gettin his pipe cleaned on a regualr basis gets depressed. I bet you weret doin it for those 3 months. start and he’ll be fine.
I would n’t give up on him either. If he is going to a deep depression, he needs you more now than ever. Keep the lines of communication open., Tell him you will always be there for him. Maybe if you suggested he visit his doctor, there are many many anti-depressants will help him also but he has got to admitt he needs help. We never give up on those we love and it is painful to sit by and do nothing but right at the present time, all you can do is support him and let him know you are there. Good luck to ya and I hope everything turns out great for you guys….
I know you don’t want to give up, but I think you should. If you aren’t together, he isn’t your responsibility. It’s not good practise to act like a girlfriend if you haven’t got a boyfriend. You said yourself, he doesn’t want you. If he wants to go crying to someone, let it be his mum. You deserve a fella who can do the right thing by you, and a guy can’t do that if he hasn’t got himself together. Relationships are not supposed to be this much hard work! Hard work, yes, but the work has to be shared, and there is supposed to be fun too!
This relationship is so young . I would run like hell now. You have tried.He seems to know how he is doing and why help isn’t working. So give him his space and you enjoy your life. You are not married and he doesn’t want to marry. Well that says it all. I think this person knows very well by now that he can reach you anytime he pleases. I advise you not to ride this man mental roller coaster. Just because a man has a chopped off arm doesn’t mean you you should chop yours off too.
okay, lets see what i can do here…
Depression can go one of two ways, either they will wall up for their protection or not to burden you…or they will unload it all on you which makes most ppl freak and run. So usually, especially if they have been thru it before, they choose option 1. I did personally, it backfired huge, no communication then frustration of holding it in leads to fighting. She left me, even though we got back together once i was over it…took a long time though, and she dated elsewhere while i was hurting, which felt like being stabbed in the back.
Your second question, HECK YES it does. It feels like everyone is fake, except for maybe one thing or person. You cling to that, and yet at the same time (if its a person) you wall up because you are afraid to lose it.
Third question: Any breakup is hard, especially if your already depressed…maybe seeking the support of that person makes you feel guilty for pushing them away? maybe it brings back bad memories? Maybe you just want to suffer alone (don’t ask me why, you just tend to think that way)
Depends on how close you two are/were, when my gf bailed on me during my depression the only thing that kept me going was alcohol and music. = / not a good idea, but sometimes it feels like everyday isn’t worth it.
It is a difficult situation…trying to be un-biased and looking at it from both views i would say…support from a distance, but don’t get close enough to freak him out/ get hurt again. If your relationship meant alot and you bail completely it hurts alot!
The best answer i can give you is to occasionally check in, and just don’t forget what he is going thru…he might come around, he might not. = / That’s just how it goes…the hard call, and one i won’t make is for you to jump into another relationship…that could cause issues…
At any rate, best wishes, i know what your going thru.
good luck = ]
~Ian~
P.S.- After reading the other answers i realize that only maybe…2 of them have any idea what the hell they are talking about?!? Lucy seems to have some decent advice, and Gamar is a bit overly hopeful as the pills aren’t “MAGIC PILLS” and there is alot more that goes into it than just a doctor *rolls eyes* the rest is pretty much garbage.
If you are concerned enough to ask this question i presume you care about him quite a bit = ] If it was as superficial as these peoples are assuming it was, then i doubt you would care and you would have already moved on.
Personally i hate doctors, and there are background reasons why i wouldn’t go…maybe something to try, but some people are stubborn, he may try to work it out himself. Meds change ppl, its scary for someone in his postion.
I have personaly dealt with depression for as long as I can rember,myself. If he refues to to face the truth there is not much u can do for him.except to be ther for him, even if he doesn’t want ur help. Get him to a Dr. as soon as possibe if u can. Somtimes they just want someone to listen. Don’t ignore this. Maybe there is something bothering him that he doesn’t even realize is. When I feel really bad I turn on some mucic and just let myself sing, it seems to help get some of the anger I feel out. AN I mean lould and sing ur ass off. It kinda like yelling at what is bother u. If continues he really needs some help. Don’t give up it can be better. medication will help. BUT it takes about a month to work.Thank God for my husband, he is always by my side if I need him.Deppresion does hurt not jut him, but the people around him also. BLESS IT BE
Yes – I been there.
Trust me, if that person refuses to help themselves, then its not worth it. I been in that situation in which no matter how hard I tried, no matter how much I sacrificed for that person, things didn’t work out. It wasn’t even about sex or relationships, it got to the point in which all I cared about was the other person’s well being.
A lot of people will probably tell you to lose this person, but I won’t, because I been in your footsteps and I know the horrible pain you feel. To watch the very own person that I really cared about destroy herself in such a way, that…
Anyways, I was dragged down to the depths of hell itself, I wanted to help, but I couldn’t. Regret and Guilt haunted my mind and I couldn’t sleep since then.
Don’t do it to yourself, I couldn’t do it – I hope that you are spared of the horrible torment I went through.
Just keep what you are doing. Be there for him and let him know you are there for him. Don’t put your life on hold. If you find someone else in the meantime move on, you can still be there for him as a friend. Unless you are completely in love then I guess just wait it out and stick by his side. Sometimes depression lasts a while and sometimes it gets better. Welburtin or Lexapro would be good for him, possibly.
Hi
If you love him than stay with him
I know it is hard but he needs you now more then ever.
He may not seem to be very responsive at the moment but he knows you are there for him and that is doing more good in knowing this, than it looks and when he starts to recover out of the depression you will have a stronger relationship with him than you had before.
I would say that the most impotent thing is not to nag at him but be there for him to talk to when he feels ready to talk and encourage any signs of improvement in him, these could be signs like the return of his interests or hobbies that he used to like doing.
If you were to leave him, he would feel that the relationship failed because of him and this would only make him feel worse. If he did anything stupid you may feel bad and blame yourself, which could make you depressed.
I would sy disapear. He knows he could have you if he wanted. Guys like to have to chase. I think he either is seriously in need of help, or he just doesnt see your relationship going anywhere and is too nice, he doesnt want to hurt your feelings – so he blames it on himself. If I were you I would just go on with your life, and if he comes back or misses you then GREAT you won him. If not, find somebody that wants to be with you. You shouldnt have to fight for someone like that. They should want you!
Deep depression can affect litterally everything about a person to the point of physically feeling ill. It changes your moods your outlook on life everything. It is horrible i do not know a proper way to tell you just how much it effects someones thinking and how crappy it really can be. I have been driving down the road and suddenly could not stop crying because i thougth about my father (desceased since 04) and then i could not stop thinking about driving into each bridge i saw along the way home. Depression can get a real strangle hold on one’s mind. if you truly love someone that is depressed make them important to you make then see just how much they mean to you. Nothing will substitute proper treatment but one day when they are down knowing you care might be the 1 thing that slows them down enough to stop themself.
He probably tells himself he needs to get everyone out of his life so that nobody will be hurt. He wants everyone out of his life so he will not hurt anyone when the time comes.
I might be wrong because i am not a professional. But if my mom was not still alive and my wife did not depend on me so much i guarentee right now i would not be here to tell you how a depressed mind thinks. It is truly warped. Your friend needs help nothing short of professional help do if he doesn’t like a professional psycologist a social worker will do or a registered nurse that deals with depression often.