Can a relationship ever truely recover from being lied to and cheated on.?
I thought I had found the girl of my dreams after 32 years of searching.
She was coming out of an 11yr marriage, and had never really been with anyone else, however during her marriage she had talked with someone and planned to have an affair, but didnt. She also kissed someone else, and spent years feeling guilty and trying to make it up.
That was the first red flag. In the begining I encouraged her to sow her wild oats, but she said she wanted me, and I accepted it at face value. We had an amazing relationship. She really is a beautiful person, and I love her, and I believe we are all human.
She recently confessed that throughout our entire relationship she has lied and cheated on me with 6 different people, some of them multiple times. I feel like I can forgive her, but I dont know that I can ever forget, and I dont know that I can ever trust her again, but at the same time I feel like if I could move past the hurt that we really could have an amazing life. Im torn, what do I do?
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Tagged with: Being • Cheated • Ever • From • Lied • Recover • Relationship • Truely
Filed under: Relationship Advice
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This is a better question to ask hillary clinton………..
Holy cow, 6 different people? When someone slips up once…or even multiple times with the same person…you might have a chance. You can realize that this person was just drawn to a particular person and you can go to counseling and figure out why and what happened in your relationship to cause her to fall for this other person, etc. But SIX different people? Come on, now. She has used you to no end and you have let her. And now you’re wanting to continue letting her. If you enjoy being a doormat, then good luck to you my friend.
Cheating with 6 dudes is a lot to forgive. Of course you wont forget..and if you can never trust her again..what type of relationship will that be? I know that I would not forgive such a betrayal with 1 affair let alone 6. G’luck!
I think so. As kids, we lie to our parents yes?
MOVE ON!
i have been in a situation like that before. except i was where she is. i got out of a long term relationship and had never really been with anyone else. when we did break up, i found a new boyfriend, but also had several on the side. i cheated on him the entire 3 years that we were together and i knew that i would never stop. once it starts, i don’t think it ever stops. let her go.
good lord man, thats way too many times, I could understand if she maybe cheated once or twice, but if she’s made that consious decision to cheat on you with 6 different people, some multiple times, SHE has a major problem… she will continue to cheat on you , even if she ‘LOVES’ you… its not worth it man, just drop her and find someone that will truly respect you as you respect them… unless you want to stay with this woman and cheat on her as well… I guess that would be okay.. haha,
honey forgive yeah thats it but ovbiously she wont stop doing it theer are millions of woman out there who wont cheat and love u completetly she doesnt love you forget it find yourself another woman, i know is sucks to be alone but its best to be alone than u getting a bad sexual disease.
Unlikely that she will stop for you…and, you may never know. Move on.
Here is my question to you, are you perfect are there things that you have done that you’ve never confessed. Some of us hide our dirt, some of us leave out in the open, not for PEOPLE to judge. Have you asked her why she cheated? There is fault on both sides one story id not not enough to get a full picture…with that being sasid are any of your actions justified?
It happens…
I suggest breaking it off with her for a while to let her sow her wild oats, as you say. Then later, when she has this out of her system, go back to her and try again.
She needs to spread her wings and see what flying is like, especially if she has never been with anyone but her ex.
What? Unless you want this to continue then youneed to end it now. She will cheat again, just a matter of time. If you want to allow it then ok, but if not then you need to run for the hills, and never look back.
If you can forgive her after all this, then you are a bigger person than I am. I don’t have proof of my spouse’s infidelity…but it is a ‘deal breaker’ to me. Here’s an answer – what kills me is that he’s lying to me, not so much that he cheated. Trust is such an important part of a relationship, she must understand the price of having lost yours. I would suggest that since you have forgiven her and want to move ahead, you should contact a marriage counselor. And good luck with your relationship.
Do not forgive or foget because there is no excuse for cheating, and there is no way of ever being able to trust again. You might think you can trust her but you will always have that thought on your mind that she could be cheating again. Also if she has dobe those things to you then she dosnt desirve you.
Not that you know me or what my beliefs are, but generally I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.
In this instance, I would cut her loose if I were you. It seems like she likes the drama and excitement of cheating. If she has done this with 6 other people, where will it end?
There are just too many red flags for me. I am one to forgive, but how many times will she keep doing this? It sounds like she has alot of work she needs to do for herself, and you will not be able to do it for her.
Save yourself and your sanity and move on. There are many women out there who would love to date you. But stop searching, enjoy life and things will fall into place for you. Good luck!
Holy cow dude, you’re dating a (begins with) WH ( and rhymes with) MORE!
6 different GUYS?!
You CAN have an amazing life…as soon as you GET RID OF HER! She’s only going to drag you down. You’ll ALWAYS be suspicious of her, and you deserve a life better than that!
have you every play a video game? You can continue has many time as you want or just turn off the power and on again. So you can give this relationship another life or end the relationship right there.
If you don’t want her, it is simple. Dump her.
If you want her, then it is harder. The plan is to have a vacation with her. Where she has no other contact beside you. Take lots of picture, and print them everywhere.
This would make her think twice before she will cheat on you again.
You will never forget it, but Im sure she will never stop doing it. Just like guys, when a girl cheats, she wont stop.
It’s obvious that she is a cheater. I wouldn’t waste my time with her at all.
if you want to stop your search. you found her. if she was more perfect than someone you knew in these past 32 years…hmm maybe you dont want to move forward….if you keep thinking of her as ‘nearly perfect’ then this allows you to be secretive and less intimate with her. you have the problem. not her. she’s opened up to you and willing to take a chance on you knowing that you dont trust her? strange. let go of the past or live in the past. your choice.
I have recently made a similar discovery (hubby had affair, lied to me about it, yadayadayada…) I have been dealing with this for a number of months now, and am slowly but surely coming to the realization that a) I cannot forget. b) I cannot forgive and c) I don’t even think I can stay with a man I cannot trust. Every time she is a couple hours late coming home you will wonder. Every time she is on the phone you will wonder. Every time you go out of town you will wonder. What is she up to?? I am realizing that is no way to live, without trust. Good luck to you, and hope you are better at forgiving than myself.
Fool…. She has already told you about all of the people that she has been with. Do you really expect her cheating and lieing to stop if she has been doing it the whole time that ya’ll have been together. My wife cheated on me for 17 years. She is now cheating on her new partner. It dont stop……. Go find someone who will give you the respect that you diserve
This is just from my point of view, I don’t think that it can really last as there is always that niggling little doubt in the back of your mind.
Too me once a cheat always a cheat or liar,same thing.
Ok well first let me say that, ouch I know the feeling. I know you probably still really like her but truth of the matter is you wont be able to trust her any more. You can forgive her, but you will know in the back of your mind that she cheated and it will hurt. You will always wonder is that the truth? Is she really just staying late at work or what is she doing on her lunch breaks. I only say this because I was with a guy for 3 years and he confessed to me his cheating. I tried to over look it but I was always stuck wondering. It eventually got out of hand and we ended our relationship so my advice to you is to dont try to lift your hopes. I know the saying is true once a cheater always a cheater. Its hard to grasp but no one deserves to be hurt like that….
I think that you should have some dignity and let her go, she obviously does not love you the way you want her too. I understand people make mistakes, but 6 people? multiple times? This girl is probably just using you but has no intention in settleling down. Find someone who will respect you!….=]
Good Luck!
As it was best said by someone greater than myself “forgiveness is devine”. It not only sets her free, it sets you free as well. The true issue would be all the pain that will still remain there. For myself I just don’t think I could be with someone who did something like that. I wouldn’t ever be able to trust her again… and since relationships are based on trust staying together would be bad- not just for me but for her as well. But if you still have love… it’s possible. Love is the most powerful force we have.
I don’t know about you having an amazing life with her, but I sure will bet on her having an amazing life with everyone else. Why do you think you have to settle for this kind of person? Why do you think she keeps telling you what kind of person she is and why do you not hear?
Number one you start off making excuses for her like someone that has been abused. Cheating is a form of abuse, believe it or not. Number two you basically, in the beginning at least, gave her approval to have this type of life style. Although her confessing is a step in the right direction and shows some sort of change, old habits are hard to break. People can change and be more productive, however, sex can also be an addiction. You two need major counseling, after waiting 32 yrs, it might be worth it.
Wow, she’s cheated on you with 6 people? This is funny to me because..I have a friend who been married 8 yrs, still is, and has cheated on him 6 times, some multiple times as well. You want to know why? She is not happy. He takes good care of her and the kids but is not attracted to him sexually anymore. If she’s done it 6 times, she WILL do it again, if you want someone faithful, I’d let her go. It can’t be forgiven or forgot. You can try but you’ll always wonder and be miserable. I bet she was hurt bad in a past relationship, someone cheated on her once? Who knows, I could never forgive someone for that. Good luck.
Are you kidding me? She ‘almost’ cheated on her husband (DID cheat if you consider kissing and planning an affair cheating, right?)… She lied and cheated on you with 6 different people, some multiple times??? What part of that sounds like a beautiful person to you? Sounds more like the girl from your nightmares than your dreams!
First, get yourself checked for STDs. Pray that you are clean. Next, type DNR (for Do Not Resuscitate) in front of her name in your cellophone just so you will be reminded to Move On!!!
By the way- the fact that ‘we are all human’ should make us BETTER than the rest of the animals who make judgements (and choose sexual partners) based on instinct.
Best of luck to you.
WOW!!!!!!!!!!! To me maybe you can forgive once….. but dam dat bi*** dont love u, and no it cant recover well in my opinion….. and i dont think dat u found da right one, cause if she cared at least a little she woudnt have done wat she did……. Looose her and keep looking you dont deserve wat she has done to you, a cheater is always gonna have that in mind “oh he or she forgave me once he or she will forgive me again”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good Luck!
If it was once, maybe even twice (though I wouldn’t let it slide)…it might have been fixable. But unless she gets counseling WILLINGLY, please don’t even try for her. SHe wasn’t willing to try for you, and it will happen again. You deserve better.