Do you think it’s possible to get girlfriend back after a breakup?
First, I know what the general answer is. If your gf breaks up with you, it’ll be hard at first but you have to move on. I’m not saying I want to try and scheme or be clingy and try and get her back. I’m willing to wait even if it takes a long time while still living my life, so open to meeting new people. But different from girls I’ve dated in the past this one felt like the one. The reason we broke up was we both misunderstood each others intentions in the relationship. We’re both not the type to gripe about things in the relationship but tend to just quietly internalize them. Plus we especially didn’t open up to each other about these things because we each felt the other wasn’t ready to make the relationship more serious. We both wanted the relationship to take the next step but always thought the other was not wanting to do that so always held back. Eventually she became sad that I didn’t seem to be as committed to the relationship as she would have liked and I felt the same way about her. So we were in love but didn’t have the courage to tell each other because with both of our personalities we didn’t want to impose on the other. Due to this we slowly started drifting apart and she broke up with me this past weekend.
She explained her feelings, about how she wasn’t sure exactly what she wanted but it hurt too much because it felt I wasn’t into the relationship as much as she was and as a result her heart became more and more distant. We got along well and I still believe we are right for each other except our expectations of each other in the relationship and us holding back because we didn’t want to impose on each other led us to cause each other some pain.
I don’t intend to wait for her forever. I’ll move on with my life and hope she can be happy too. Nor will we keep in touch right away. I think we both need a few months to think things over and settle things in our hearts before we can meet up for coffee or anything. But I’m wondering if anyone has had success in rekindling a relationship after some time has passed in a situation like mine? Not sure if I did a good job of describing my situation but any thoughts or stories would be helpful.
Oh just FYI we were in a relationship for 7 months so not too long but still long enough. Yes there are many fish in the sea and many girls, no matter the reason for the breakup do not want to revisit old wounds. But I guess I feel, if given the chance, without being a stalker or imposing but just keeping in touch over time I might have the opprtunity to explain our misunderstanding and rediscover a little bit of what we had and seek to repair the past. Not by explaining the situation and reasoning with her, but just trying to get her to fall in love again by being me but with the assurance that there won’t be misunderstanding this time and that I won’t make the same mistakes twice.
Thank you~
Thanks to everyone who answered so far. But I’m wondering: despite my desire to tell her right away how I feel, maybe I should give her time? I think she’s sad right now for two reasons: sad about the way the relationship was because she felt I didn’t really care and sad that she has to hurt me by ending the relationship. Her emotions have been mixed up for a while. Just a few weeks ago, she said she loved me and we were very close and intimate. Then a few days later, she became distant, and now we’ve broken up. She just doesn’t feel that desire she felt before. Is it better to calmly explain to her my side now and hope she understands, or wait until her emotions settle? Or tell her my feelings but also tell her let’s wait to make a decision about whether she’ll give me a chance to win her heart over again when her emotions are more stable? Again, I know the likelihood is low once hearts change, but I’m thinking if I give her a little time to heal, something might be possible.
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Tagged with: After • Back • Breakup • Girlfriend • It's • Possible • Think
Filed under: Relationship Advice
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bad idea
If you think that “she is the one ” fight for her !, when i was 16-17 i had a boyfriend who at the time i loved to pieces as u we never made it to the next step…neither of us communicated very well, and we both went on a separate holiday and when we came back… i ended it, to this day i dont know why, and its 10 years past now and i see him all the time and it kinda makes me a little sad that i didn’t do more or fight for him, he was my first love, im now 26 and have 2 beautiful kids with a man i love very much….but i keep thinking what if what if i tried a little more, because once we split up a few months later he started seeing someone else and there still together now….i keep thinking …”should that be me”! but i will never know,
Dont do the same… if you love her…tell her how you feel and fight for another chance..before its to late.
hope this helps you.
good luck x
yes i think it is possible. if i was in this situation i would tell her my feelings and see where it goes.i went back out with my girlfriend after we broke up.i think you will have a good chance.you seem like a nice guy.
Well first of all, you’re getting too down on yourself. You didn’t break up because of mistakes you may have made, or even she may have made. You broke up because of incompatibility issues, which doesn’t necessarily have to be deal breaker. I know your down right now, but the last thing you want to do is place any blame on yourself.
To answer your question though, the answer is yes. From the way you describe the break up, it sounds like it was something that both of you didn’t necessarily want, but thought it was probably the best thing. And I find that relationships with break ups like that have the best chances to get back together.
I know what you mean about internalizing things and also being afraid to convey exactly how you feel in fear of the other person’s reaction. My girlfriend and I had this problem towards the beginning of our relationship (we’ve just made it over 3 years now) where we would be afraid to tell each other that we love each other. Actually, similarly to your situation, she broke up with me about 2 months into our relationship because she thought that I wasn’t as committed as she was. But on the contrary, I was crazy about her, I was just afraid that I would freak her out. Of course we eventually got back together only a couple weeks later.
But what we learned out of that is that sometimes in order for a relationship to be healthy, each person has to be kind of selfish in a sense. Both of you have to be completely open about how you feel about each other. If both of you have the understanding that you are both committed to each other, then you can’t be afraid to express how you feel and on the flip side of that, you can’t be afraid to to hear how the other person feels. But at the end of the day, it’s your responsibility to convey how you feel in the relationship to her because if you’re not open, it’s not really a relationship… and the same goes for her.
As for your current situation now, if it were me, I would contact her and talk to her one last time and lay it all on the floor and tell her exactly how you feel about her and the relationship and try to be as candid as you can be. I know that sounds scary, but it seems as though that was the missing piece of the relationship. And maybe she’ll reciprocate and maybe she won’t. Maybe she’ll still want to think about things, but at least there will be no confusion as to how you feel.
And if she doesn’t reciprocate, you’re right, you do need to move on with your life. You can’t be sitting around waiting when she might not even come around. But my gut feeling tells me that it’s not over between you two and I think she still definitely has feelings for you. I think that if you tell her exactly how you feel, she’ll have that in her head, and if she sees you kind of moving on with your life she might realize what she’s missing.
Well anyway, I’m not a Dear Abbey columnist or anything, so don’t take my advice and run with it. This is just my two cents on the matter.