I Feel As If I’ve Become Dependent On My Friend. How Do I Get Over This?
I know this is long, but I really need help and I would appreciate it if you took the time to read my words and respond to them. I’m 18 and a guy and I’ll start of saying that I have never had any close relationships before. I’m a very shy and introverted person, and I’ve had a lot of bad experiences before. I’m not even close with my family. I can’t stand these people. I have nobody at all in my family I can talk to. I don’t have any friends either. I’m all alone. I met this girl last year and we somehow became close. We share a deeper relationship than most people in the way that we are able to tell each other deep thoughts and feelings. Around her friends and other people, she is very happy crazy, energetic, and weird. Around me, she is a little more calm and quieter. According to her, this is the real her. This isn’t anything romantic first of all. Believe me, I want this to be something more, but she says she doesn’t want that from me. I really wish we could be together, but I can’t force her to do anything she doesn’t want to.
Recently we talked about the idea of her moving away in a few years. This makes me feel so emotional and I don’t know how I would be able to deal with it. The whole unrequited love thing is also making things difficult between us. I’ve even seriously thought about following her to wherever she goes. I know this isn’t right. She has known other people who have put this kind of pressure on her and I just feel terrible that I’m becoming another one of those people. I really love and care about her and I don’t want to hurt her. I just want to stay close to her, even if it isn’t romance. In a way, I’m afraid that she’s not going to need me in the future. I’m a person who likes to listen and help people with their problems, so I like to feel needed. I don’t want to feel as if I’m not important in her life anymore. I don’t want to lose this closeness because I never felt this before. I’ve told her these things because I respect her enough to tell her my real feelings. Her advice was for me not to make her the protagonist of my life.
I’m going to see a counselor to help me deal with these feelings. I’ve called someone, but I have to wait a couple months for them to call me back because it’s a long waiting list. My feelings are sad and pathetic, I know. Every time I tell her that I feel like an idiot, or that I feel pathetic, she tells me I’m not. Well I don’t care what she says. The fact is that I am being stupid and sad about this. I think she’s trying to protect my feelings, which I don’t want her to do because it’s not helpful. I just really need help and I don’t have anybody to go to. How do I deal with this?
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Tagged with: Become • Dependent • Feel • Friend • I've • Over • This
Filed under: Relationship Advice
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It sounds like you’re in love with her. And you’re right, putting all your feelings and energy solely into her is not healthy. To want to follow her is not healthy either. To me, it looks like the real issue is that you don’t want to be alone again, after you’ve experienced being happy with this girl. And that’s the tricky thing about how you’re feeling..you’re not happy with yourself so youre relying on her for your happiness…In other words, once she leaves your life either by moving away or she gets a boyfriend, you’re no longer going to be happy, only miserable. Its normal for people to feel that way at first, but you need to be able to move on and not go into a depression. She sounds like a really great girl, but I really think you need to try to make things right in your life, so you’re not depending on her to do that(by her affections toward you)…If you don’t do that, when she starts to not react or do the things you want her to do.. you’re going to feel a lot worse.
You didn’t really give a lot of background info about yourself except for your relationship with her, so I don’t know where you’re at in life, at 18, at the moment..But there’s school, focusing on getting a career going for yourself, maybe just going alone to a local church and sitting in on a service..Once they see you in there by yourself, someone will start talking to you(ive done that!) I like school better for you, b/c you can join some interest clubs..You’re going to have to start trying to do something outside of your friend!
if u really feel so then maitain some distance from her for some days!
dont mean to sound rude but just get over it…
I’m not exactly sure how you would go about getting over this girl, but you mentioned you would even consider following her wherever she goes, I def wouldn’t suggest that and I dont think you actually would. But you said you guys talked about her leaving in a FEW years, thats a long time bud. You say she can actually be herself around you and you share everything and have a real connection together.. why don’t you work to build that connection stronger with the time you have with her now.. who knows what could happen. Maybe things could get romantic, even though that isn’t the case now. I relate to you in a certain way because I don’t have a lot of close relationships myself, and i’ve been threw a lot to the point I just don’t trust people anymore.. so value that friendship since its something real and don’t think to far ahead.