Why did he want my tubes tied?
I tend to dwell on the past until I can wrap my head around the why of it. Please help me understand and please no mean answers. My husband had twin daughters with his 17 year old girlfriend and he was 23. Then 18 months later they had another baby. They really had no relationship other than sex. They never lived together and when she got pregnant the second time it was because they were sleeping together when he would go to her house to see his kids. Then, when he and I first started seeing each other, I was still living with my first husband. My husband now didn’t know if I was serious about him and since I was living with someone I guess he figured it would be okay if he did to. He started seeing another girl. During this 3 month period the other girl stayed at his place on and off. What I don’t understand is that he was sleeping with her unprotected. I understand that I was living with my husband but I was safe so I wouldn’t get pregnant. He didn’t care if she got knocked up, in fact I think he tried to get her that way. I know he liked me more because in the end he left her for me so why? She actually told me that one night after sex he said “Well, if you weren’t pregnant before, you are now”. I never believed her until he said the same damn thing to me. He and I ended up having two son’s together then I had my tubes tied. He and I discussed it, I pretty much left the decision up to him and he said yeah get them tied. I don’t know why he was always so willing to get all these girls pregnant yet he didn’t want to have any more kids with me. Our youngest child is almost 10 now and I would love to have another. I would like to try for a daughter but now I can’t. My tubes cannot be repaired and IVF is like $10,000.00. I get so angry when I think about how willing he was to have kids with…hell any girl he slept with, even when he was seeing me, yet he wanted me to get my tubes tied. He now has 5 kids total.
Boy I guess I made him sound awful. Other than this aspect of things, my husband is an awesome guy. He is amazing to me, to the point that all of our friends are jealous. We have been together for over 13 years and hardly ever fight and are very much in love. The man that I discribed above was the 23-25 year old kid. He is now 39 and he is not the same person but I would like to know why he made some of the choices he made. He would like to have another child with me but now we can’t. As for dicussing this before…almost 14 years have past and things change, feelings change, opinions change and people change. We did discuss it, when I was 18 and he was 25. Now I am 32 and he is 39, we have changed and so has our mind. I didn’t expect to have to defend anything I just thought that someone might have been through this and had some insight. If you can’t help then please don’t even bother to type.
K-T…Maybe I am a victim, maybe not but if you cant answer my question…go away!
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Filed under: Relationship Advice
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Here’s a better question:
Why are you with this slimeball? Why in God’s name did you marry him, and do you realize he’s probably cheating?
And yet you married him and the resentment just continues to pile on…if you can’t accept things ‘as is’ I recommend you hit up some marriage counseling…dwelling on the ‘what if’s’ in life is only going to make you miserable.
If you want another child and he doesn’t that is a tough one…maybe you should have discussed all this before you even hooked up with him. Why did you tie your tubes in the first place?
Good luck!
why would you want kids with this type of person in the first place?
He wanted you to have your tubes tied because he just could not support any more kids. It’s not that the guy was willing to have kids . . . it’s much more simple than that, he just wanted to have sex! Hopefully now his brain has kicked in when he has seen how much 5 children are costing him on a monthly basis and he has stopped having any more children. He still wants the sex, just no more children.
I guess the real thing you should dwell on is the fact that you left this life altering decision up to him. This should have been a decision that you had discussed, but the final say should have been your own. You must be bitter at the fact that you did not stand on your own two feet and tell him exactly how you felt at the time . . . unless you were ok with the decision you made. You should have also known it was not a good idea to put such a decision into the hands of a guy who in his 20s got a minor pregnant. You should have taken that as a sign of his character.
YOU LEFT THE DECISION TO GET YOUR TUBES TIED UP TO HIM?!!!????
“He and I discussed it, I pretty much left the decision up to him and he said yeah get them tied.”
you have to take responsibility for your actions, honey.
YOU were the one who consented to the surgery.
quit playing the victim. you have no one else to blame but yourself.
probably because he didn’t intend to stay with u.
It’s probably not just you. He may be asking all of them to have a TL.
Maybe his fantasy is to have a “harem” of mothers who ONLY have HIS kids–it would be sort of like having as many “wives” as he wants…
Or maybe he’s creating a master race–trying to get the perfect genetic mix…
Who knows? Maybe he figured you’d be the one most likely to sue him for child support–and get it…
Or maybe his head was in “a different place” at that time and he was trying responsibility on for size…
You could play the “ponder game” all day long but one things for sure: You really dont want to be the 66 year old woman having twins using AI when you’re finally able to afford the procedure–do you?