As single millennials, the “Should I text him first?” inevitably pops up in my friend group chats from time to time, followed by thorough deliberation. This time, I went straight to the source for the answers to what, if anything, is appealing about “the chase” when it comes to texting, what the game is about, and how to play. Five guys, ages 20 – 30, opened up about what goes through their minds before they hit send.
By not saying this, but making an excuse for the guys texting habit only leaves many woman to assume everything’s alright with the guy they like and that he feels the same way about them, it is until they begin to see the mixed signals–like infrequent to long wait response times–that they can begin to exemplify signs of neediness. Yes, neediness is a mental and often emotional projection, but many people become needy in these relationships when they are led to believe they are close to achieving what they want (as in closing the deal and having the man/woman of their dreams be their gf/bf).
Think about when you first fell for your guy. What reminds you both of that time (aside from the conniption fit you had every time the phone rang)? Figure it out and you've found the secret to conjuring up that new-love rush. "When he experiences something that he associates with falling in love with you, those intense, sensual memories trigger a positive physical reaction and generate instant longing," says Bernstein.
Men are simple creatures. In fact, men are so simple that it often becomes complex if you try too hard to “figure them out.” It becomes even more difficult, when you’re hoping for a certain outcome in what you want from your man. When attempting to get something from him, whether it’s more assistance around the house, taking you out more, or buying you the new bag you’ve been eyeing, you have to remember to be..well simple.
"The reason a guy gets hooked on one woman is not because she is *just sexy*, or *just playful*, or *just certain*, or *just feminine*, or *just bursting with integrity*, but because she possesses a unique combination of traits: the girl who is warm, has integrity, and can charm his family, then rips his clothes off in the bedroom and is a sexual goddess; the girl who is playful with his friends, can debate politics like a pro, but knows how to enjoy a lazy Sunday watching movies and eating pizza; the girl who is independent, kicks ass out in the world, but is feminine and loving with her man. Women like this cause an alarm to go off inside a guy's head and heart. Keep her, he thinks. This one's amazing!"
You would think that with the proliferation of dating apps, it would be easier to find The One. Or at least, The One I Can Settle Down With. But after a year of swiping on Tinder, Bumble, Bite, Coffee Meets Bagel and going on dates, I’ve realised I’m no closer to getting into any sort of relationship. Hookups? Oh yeah, these apps will definitely connect you to the nearest available D faster than you can order McD’s. But getting a boyfriend? Like Charlotte, I’m exhausted. Where is he?
Walk away from him, Bhavya. Do you really want to plan settling down with a guy who takes you for granted? He’s expecting you to hang around for three years before he makes up his mind. That’s crazy and cruel. Either you’ll find another guy or he’ll chase you because he sees how much he misses you. Either option has got to be better than where you’re at now. If you do nothing, you’re telling him it is okay to treat you badly. Not a good message to send if you’re looking for a long term relationship.
Another trick to make someone like you over text is to stroke their ego. Let them know they’ve made a positive impact on you and that they’re still on your mind. An example of this would be: “I just saw the cutest little squirrel in the park gathering nuts and it made me think of you!” A text like this is going to make the other person feel special — and making someone feel good is a surefire way to get them to like you.
The Real Reasons Men Don’t Text Back: The Ultimate “Do’s and Don’ts” Guide To Texting Exactly What To Do If He Hasn’t Texted You In Two Days Exactly How To Get Your Ex Back In 5 Steps Guaranteed 16 Giveaway Signs A Guy Likes You Through Texting He Hasn’t Texted Me in a Few Days? Why Do Guys Stop Texting? What To Do When A Guy Doesn’t Text Back