I was in a grief fog so I was pretty blind to all this at the time. I look back now and realize, wow, what was I thinking. I got out before major damage. I later found out the trail of financial destruction she had bestowed upon another man a few years prior. She still owes me a lot of money. I keep getting ‘check’s in the mail’ when I reach out to her. However, if need be, my attorney says I have an airtight case to sue her for the money. I am really trying to avoid this as I did know her for 8 years as my wife’s friend but eventually I will need to take action.
If you’re meeting him for the first time, use the “chameleon effect” from Love Signals: mirroring movements and gestures shows you’re interested. In one study from The Journal of Nonhuman Behavior, researchers found that it’s not just mimicking of movements that indicate interest, but also timing. If he moves from slouching to sitting up straight, a few seconds later do the same.
A close second, highly powerful, signal that a guy should make a move is a smile. A smile tells a wary man you like him and, more importantly, you aren’t going to humiliate him by shutting him down if he risks approaching you. It’s not that you need to go around smiling all the time, but when you make eye contact, flash him a smile too, and he should get the message. The message is nicely delivered with very little effort on your part—there doesn’t even have to be a break in the friendly banter you were engaging in. Which brings me to our third signal.
I remember a couple that came to see me in distress because they had recently learned their teenage daughter had been assaulted by a boyfriend. A major conflict arose because John was threatening to kill the boyfriend, upsetting his wife and daughter tremendously. They worried he might actually seek revenge and end up in jail. With some work, I was able to help John express his true feelings: He cried, stating that he felt responsible for what had happened—as though he should've been able to protect his daughter. He felt terribly sad that his daughter was going through such pain, and he fell justifiably angry. After he expressed the full range of his feelings, he no longer threatened to kill the young man and was better able to support his daughter in helpful ways.
It turns out, research shows that, in reality, women are the ones who make the first move. . . but not the way you might think. According to research revealed in The Man’s Guide to Women by Dr. John Gottman et al., “Whether or not men are interested in a woman is not strongly related to her objective attractiveness but instead to the nonverbal signals she sends out. In fact, when scoring women’s nonverbal behaviors, researchers were able to predict a man’s approach to her with 90 percent accuracy.”