Clinical psychologist Merry Lin writes in her book ‘The Fully Lived Life’, “Faking your way through life is believing that if you let people know the real you, they won’t like you. The tapes that play in your head say that if people really knew what was going on inside you, they would lose respect for you. While you play those roles, juggling those masks you have to wear and hiding your pain … the pressure increases to keep pretending you have it all together.”

The confines of a socialization process; restricting men to show the full scope of the emotional inner life. That kind of reasoning sounds interesting in a typical psychological way but fails to take into account the broader social life of individuals. Perhaps that many men feel confined by such a socialization process, but what about those who do not feel this confinement? I guess men trying to fully share their emotions is part of an emanicaption process. For other men it's just not applicable; they share their emotions in a different way, e.g. through doing chores or giving presents. Finally, which human being (man or woman) does not feel confined by socialization processes?! These give way to a more successful participation in society, but at the same time impose boundaries of social behaviour in which we can feel either comfortable or not.
A book which is founded on ideas about good communication & keeping integrity is one whose advice I feel I can trust & recommend. It has a "win-win" approach that doesn't degrade men or women - how to get what you desire/need while giving someone else what they desire/need too. Building mutually satisfying relationships is the goal, not manipulating your dream man into marrying you (blech - what an idea!).

of course there are problems I encounter in my life but I never thought of it as a problem. being a nice person sometimes get u in trouble such as men easily fell in love with me or they thought I like them but that’s not it. I’m just nice to everyone. EVERYONE. regardless they are rude or somewhat cold towards me. it’s the way u live ur life u know. in fact, I don’t have one guy friend because they will start being awkward or shy around me after a few minutes talking to me. I hate that. how can I be friend with a guy or communicate with them normally if all they think about is they want to be more than friend with me? GOD, THIS IS HARD! I’m not even graduate yet I always get these kind of treatment. how am I suppose to work with men when I enter real life? I mean the work field. this is what concerns me the most as I had encounter with many man that gave their numbers, expecting me to call or message them because I’m not a woman who easily gave their number to a guy they barely know. maybe I’m too friendly but believe me, I have tried to keep it low when I communicate with men but still they easily like me on the spot. u think I like that? absolutely not! I want men to act normal towards me. not suddenly give me special treatment or being shy and smiling sheepishly everytime they talk to me. God, all I ask for is normal treatment.
Similarity, in terms of personality, doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be mirror images of each other (in fact that might get a little boring). The important thing here is being open to each other’s interests.  If he likes hockey, watch a game with him at least once or twice. If he’s a country music guy, and you can’t get enough hip-hop, well, at least you can both appreciate a strong love for music.
Anyway, Sam, you did it again. You had me doing some serious introspection over the past few days thinking about that period in my life and what kind of “advice” I could give. And, well, I concluded that I have no advice to give, and that I wasn’t really a golddigger (I was labeled one after the fact by “friends” with double standards). I actually did not have a method I could share and nothing I did or what happened to me can really be replicated. I was not looking for a rich guy, it wasn’t even a goal. I didn’t go places looking for one hoping some would be there to meet, I didn’t know who was who when I went out, I didn’t dress or put on airs when around certain people. And, because I come from the land of golddiggers, I used to deliberately avoid and get grossed out by old rich dudes who would try to hit on me and put as much distance as possible between that “kind of girl” and me. Until, I finally did start dating rich guys, of which there were only two in my history, AND, they didn’t take care of me, they didn’t give me anything I couldn’t get even at that time on my own. Also, THEY found and pursued ME. And, gasp! I had a genuine connections with them!
Very fun read that captures the essence of teen angst; a quick moving, fun-filled novel. The plot is tangled, much like a teen's life, and the main character's voice is so true and real she had me intrigued early. Valentine captures the pull that so many teens feel between being themselves and wishing they were someone else, mixed with what their parents want, and how peers perceive them, or at least how they think their peers perceive them. Every aspect of this book is vivid and believable; the language is playful and the dialogue is dead on, even the teen's internal dialogue that made me laugh out loud. Great, light-hearted read that will make you smile. Highly recommend it!
As a woman, I want an equivalent male-counterpart which is a complicated dynamic in our shifting roles. I do enjoy being taken care of and provided for. I do not, however, want to compete with hundreds of other desperate women going after wealthy men. That defeats the purpose of money providing stability and security as the basis of a relationship. It’s almost a catch 22.

Try to make him his best self. Everybody wants to be with someone who makes them a better person. It makes us feel good about ourselves and reassures us that we can be good people if we try. Make this guy the best version of himself by encouraging him to do the things he loves and giving him the space to do those things. However, don't push too hard. If he tells you dot back off, listen.

Can someone pls help me,I think I’m in a relationship right now I like this guy and I’m starting to have feelings for him,he likes me also its too obvious and he also starting to say that his feelings for me is going stronger but he never said to me that he loves me I want him to say that to me without asking him if he loves me..I don’t know how to make him says that to me

Messages To Send To A Guy You Like


Comments like this come from people who are insecure, seething with resentment, and fearful. It sounds like you’re projecting your lack of self worth onto your ignorant concept of “feminists”. Obviously feminists threaten you terribly. Hey, if I lived a vapid life where I’d married the highest bidder to “provide for me”, I’d feel bad about myself, too. Many other women have the satisfaction and confidence of knowing they earned their own money from their accomplishments and talents; they don’t lazily consider all work to be “toil”; they are in great relationships; and they’re very attractive to boot. It obviously burns you up. :)
Hi, I like a guy who is dating some one else..he says he likes me to.Whenever we argue he always changes his WhatsApp profile picture and puts a picture of them together. He acts funny when I ask him to introduce me to his single friends. He keeps saying that this is only a friendship but asked me to meet his mum and wanted to take me on a vacation.
"This area is one of the most underrated erogenous zones. "The knees are full of nerve endings; that's why people are often ticklish there," says St. Claire. The backs of the knees are especially sensitive, since the nerves are close to the surface, she adds. For maximum sensual impact, swivel your tongue along the crease and then blow on the area. This puff of air will cause the moisture to evaporate, producing a thrilling hot-then-cold sensation. Plus, he'll be able to actually feel you breathing, which will tune his body in to yours and give your intimacy a surcharge.
* I hope she still loves me if I had no money. Rich men understand they are attracting more women than normal for their wealth, but every rich man hopes his woman loves him for who he is as a person. Rich men don’t want to feel like chumps who have to pay for companionship. As soon as a rich man feels the only reason why a woman is asking a man out so he can pay for dinner and a show, it’s game over.
There's a catch though: If you want to snag his immediate interest, the change has to be guy-visible. "To activate his desire, it has to be a departure from your everyday look," says David Buss, PhD, author of The Evolution of Desire. Maybe take a break from your jeans routine and strut around in a miniskirt. Wear a noticeably higher heel. Or ditch your bra for a day and put a little extra bounce in your step.
Honestly I don’t think he doesn’t feel “confident”. Guys are chasers they love to chase women regardless if they think she’s too good for him. Speaking from personal experience he could just be talking to other girls on the side and feels guilty because he knows you’re genuine with your feelings,therefore claiming you’re too good for him. If a guy truly likes a girl and she’s mutually as interested, he wouldn’t just cut her off so quickly (except if he I having some serious deep issues)

Awesome. Totally relate! And true! Gosh and text break ups are uber lame don’t even start haha. Sarcasm a no-no. Agreed. But if it’s like a good guy friend that you always joke with I don’t see a problem! And in the paragraph description, I’m guilty of double and triple texting.. Sigh. If people weren’t such SLOW responders it wudnt be a problem! Lol
I don’t know how I have never read your advice columns before, but these have made me feel like I know more than ever before. So I have been talking to this guy that I met online in January. We have not met yet because I was away at school and only just got home. He initiated the relationship and used to be incredibly attentive to me. He would text me, sext me, call me…it was great. All of a sudden he says we are moving too fast and now he rarely texts me at all. He doesn’t answer my texts some times and it makes me crazy because he claims to want to talk to me more and meet me but I don’t know what to think. Please help. 

You may think that discussing your feelings isn’t very macho, but whether you’re aware of it or not, you’re already communicating your feelings to those around you; you’re just not using words. If you’re short-tempered, drinking more than usual, or punching holes in the wall, those closest to you will know something’s wrong. Choosing to talk about what you’re going through, instead, can actually help you feel better.


* Spend more time listening. Listening is a skill that is more difficult than talking. The ideal conversation is balanced 50/50 where both participants actively listen to each other’s dreams. If you dominate the conversation by more than a 70/30 ratio, men tune out quickly unless you are stunningly beautiful. A great way to find balance is to simply ask the question you were asked and go from there. It’s often times what you don’t say that speaks volumes.
Not all are women are “Gold Diggers” lol. I divorced and was raising my five children, working 3 jobs, preparing two meals/daily and running a business, so that we would have much extra and I would not accept child support for necessities/desires. I then met my second husband after a year of courting, he asked me to marry him and allow him to take care of me and my children. We married and even though I knew that I did not have to continue working, to maintain my lifestyle, I kept working and running my business. He begged me to at least let go of two jobs, telling me that I worked too much and I should hire a housekeeper because he was tired of watching me take care of everyone and not have adequate time for myself. He told me that I was the first woman that loved him for him. He passed away in 2012. He was a fabulous man, so classy, smart, strong, honest, loving, fun, etc. I should have cloned him lol. My good friend told me that I was in trouble if something were to happen to him, she was right…No one has compared to him since. It is not just about money either.

"Although men may not always know what they're feeling, there's one thing they’re sure about: they’re convinced they’re in a major double bind. Women tell men to express their feelings, but when they do, women are often petrified, if not horrified. Women want men to show their feelings, but only certain feelings, and only in doses they can handle.'
When we text a guy we’re interested in, there’s no doubt we get nervous. And when he doesn’t text back within five minutes, we get in an even bigger uproar. “Why isn’t he texting me?” “Does he hate me?” “He’s obviously not interested”. Don’t let your thoughts get the best of you. If you’ve already sent the first text, don’t send him another one. Either he’s busy (work, homework, school, friends?) or he doesn’t want to talk to you- and either way, sending a “Hello?” or “Did you get my text?” message is just annoying and makes you look needy.
I really like this guy in my grade. And I don’t think he likes me back, but we do hold eye contact, and he does laugh with me, and has touched me before, but also he’s very popular and I feel like I cannot speak to him, outside of SS. He started a band not to long ago and told me that it would be great if I could write songs for him but..... I’m not sure if I should bc I dunno what to write bc I’m only good at love songs and that would be so awkward!!!!
In the past few weeks, we're not as flirty as we used to be and we still do not talk outside of work. I have texted him a few times and he has replied but it never really turned into a conversation as I felt like I was becoming too pushy. He has said to me that he's "not in any rush" but he seems to be stalling. During the drinks, he seemed very interested, back at work he has become distant.
If you’ve ever fallen hard for someone in the early stages of crushes and dating, you know the most frustrating — and the greatest — thing about it can be trying to gain their attention and earn their returned love. You want to prove yourself as someone worthy of their time and affection, but it’s never just as easy as casting a magic spell to make it all go well, is it?
I broke up with my Ex fiance a few months back, in what was a whirlwind of an altercation, and was destroyed, I won’t even bother lying about it. Night after night, I racked my brain for a way to get her back. She wasn’t returning calls, emails or texts and our mutual friends said she wanted nothing to do with me. I was in rough shape until i found Lord Azeez email [email protected] com and he guaranteed me in 3days and surely she called me on the phone and and apologized
Don’t date outside of your own intellectual sphere ! (Every friend and family member will wonder why your playing with CHILDREN AT EVERY EVENT at the “kiddie table” w/ play dough if they are speaking quantum mechanics with the other adults at the “grown up table!”… Otherwise if your not able to at least inject any intillectual thoughts on a subject zip it because not only will his friends & their spouses who can keep up and know exactly when to speak & when to simply listen SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOU BUT HE WILL TOO! (God willing for him sooner than later!)
I started seeing a guy in June and we would either go out to dinner, have dinner at his place with his friends over or have a nice home made meal at my place about every week to 2 weeks. We always stayed the night at each others places and never a rush to leave each other. We never text in between seeing each other because we would just wait to talk when we got together. He was only visiting my town for the summer for work and now his moved back home which is only 2.5 hours away. I told him before he left that I want to keep intouch. He said he also wants to stay in touch, he wants me to come visit him and he said he will also come visit me. Now that he’s gone I don’t know how often to text him. We never did much texting when he was here. I haven’t seen him in 2 weeks and have not heard from either. In that time I only text him twice, with no response. Was it just a summer fling? Should I just give him time to settle in at home and wait to see if he text or calls me?

Text To Make Him Smile At Work


You made it to the finish line! Congratulations. By now you should have at least one guy on your radar who’s interested. All you have to do is commit. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “It’s only been a few days. How can I just commit to a boyfriend so quickly?” Breathe. We’re not asking you to put a ring on it or walk down the aisle (yet). Remember, the goal here was just to get a boyfriend­­­. But he’s not your boyfriend until there is some level of mutual commitment. So woman up and make it happen, girl! Tell him how you feel. You won’t know if he’s The One until you give it a shot. So pick your guy, grab a love fern, and ride off into the sunset.
For my case though I disagree that money makes me feel more attractive. I’m rather reserved with how I use my money as well. I don’t spend it on things that show wealth like cars and clothing. I usually spend it on things that I enjoy but others won’t see like Good restaurants business class flights and really good cooking apparatus. This mindset of I want to shop among everyone else in walmart with millions in the bank and not a single other person would know it is likely because I don’t want a woman to want me for my money. I want her to want me for my hardworking ethics and I seek that in a woman mostly as well.
If there’s ever a way of knowing how to make a man fall in love with you and be a flirty tease at the same time, this is it. Men can’t resist a lingering woman’s touch. The next time you’re with him, be it clasping palms, hugging each other goodbye, or just crossing the street, let your touch linger softly for a moment longer than necessary. Your touch would be incredibly exciting for the man you like, and you’ll spark a romantic chemistry in no time. [Read: How to flirt with a guy]
Stop going to those stupid parties. Expand your personal zeitgeist. "Nice guys" are putting on guerrilla art shows, working with the NRDC, riding in mountain bike rallies, and campaigning to get morons tossed out of Congress. Why not join one of these groups and make a little difference in the world? The men you meet will sometimes be startlingly hot, but who cares? You'll have time to get to know 10 or 12 of the buggers and decide which one really does deserve you.
This isn’t a staring contest. In fact, according to research, looking away and then briefly glancing back a few times is another signal that lets a guy know you want him to approach. (Ashley Fox explains the process really well here.) You don’t have to overthink it or be weird about it. When you see a cute guy and wish he would come say hi, make eye contact with him, smile, look back at the person you were talking to, and then glance back at him. Repeat one or two times. If you are worried it will be creepy, don’t. When we interviewed guys on how they know a woman likes them, Charles said, “Things like [when] eye contact is made and then avoided and then made again.”
First off I want to say thanks for your honest and refreshing post. It's rare and a wonderful thing for a guy to admit the challenges men face and try to act opposite of the gender stereotypes. I'm so sorry about your breakup and hope you find happiness and love. Please stay warm and loving and expressive. The right woman will appreciate it. I personally am the type who loves emotional expression in men.

What To Tell A Guy You Like


Ben, 27, is our breath of fresh air. “I’m not one for games,” he says, “and the older I get, the less and less I play them. But I do think it is important to not come off as desperate or clingy when first meeting someone, because you don’t want to spook them.” When can you expect a non-strategized text from him? “After 2 – 3 dates, I usually stop worrying about the time or frequency of my texts as strategic, because I feel that I have a read on them and whether or not we like each other.”

Chopstick couples do what each needs to do in a coordinated effort to get the job done, no fixed responsibilities that are the sole job of one person or the other. Sometimes it works out to leverage the strengths of one person over the other, like my husband will go get a needle and thread to fix my pants while baking bread and watching football… and I’ll be reading a PF article and picking ETFs, sitting next to him while doing the laundry. Things get done to both our benefit.

Flirty Texts To Send Him


When I justify an action by me being busy, it usually means, sorry dude I consider that the things that I am doing at work right to be of a higher priority and interest than you are. This was me being brutally honest. Now it doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t care for that person intimately on a superficial level…it just means that since they are not a long term investment for me or possibly because I am not at that stage of commitment…
There are very specific psychological reasons why females go for the bad boys while the nice guys sit around depressed and lonely while foolishly thinking that if they continue to keep being nice and following dumb "just be yourself"advice, their dating lives will magically change for the better. However, I will not even waste my time typing too much further and getting into all that because I need to move on to other things (and there is plenty of material all over the net to explain the psychological reasoning behind it).
Hi Eric, I’m in no relationship right now. I’m on a dating site and matched well with a as we messaged, he stated, we have a lot in common. He asked to start texting so we did. In two weeks we sent pic’s of ourselves and had phone sex twice. He keeps saying we need to meet, when we set a day and time he was getting sick. Fine, I believe him. You suggested a sexy pic. Good idea. It’s fun, but is there a way to ask him if he still wants to get to know me? And, What is the standard of getting to know one another if the dating sites are where I’m meeting guys. I understand he and other guys are tired from work and are busy on days off and talking to other women on the site. Thank you for your time, Kim
The confines of a socialization process; restricting men to show the full scope of the emotional inner life. That kind of reasoning sounds interesting in a typical psychological way but fails to take into account the broader social life of individuals. Perhaps that many men feel confined by such a socialization process, but what about those who do not feel this confinement? I guess men trying to fully share their emotions is part of an emanicaption process. For other men it's just not applicable; they share their emotions in a different way, e.g. through doing chores or giving presents. Finally, which human being (man or woman) does not feel confined by socialization processes?! These give way to a more successful participation in society, but at the same time impose boundaries of social behaviour in which we can feel either comfortable or not.
As for marrying a rich man, here is my experience. I dated a lot of wealthy and extremely rich men over the next 15 years and then realized I just did not want to compromise in any way. I like the idea of a compatible partner though. But there is no way I would marry a rich man without character or one who spent all the time on business. That is addiction or a preference, not a requirement to make money. I know enough wealthy and extremely rich men and women to know that the smart ones do not spend all their time on the phone or away. They take a lot of time to enjoy life. If they are into you and vice versa, they have plenty of time to pay attention on a long term basis.
I'm embarrassed to say that I was dumb enough to be conned by a slick snake oil salesman. That's all he is. A cute , energetic , great salesman. Save your money , you already know all of his so called "secrets" and "tips".There's no wonder to me that he himself cannot retain a partner. I bought this and 2 others from his company .What a waste of my hard earned money!!

How To Make A Man Like You

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