I appreciate that this book is about subtle nuances too. Often we don't know what we do wrong because it's not anything big but a subtle signal, and we don't know why our positive signals are ignored & that's because they are TOO subtle. This advice rang true because I've noted men in general communicate more with action & are generally MORE sensitive than women, meaning they need LOUDER positive signals & SOFTER negative ones. The author refers to this as the "fragile male ego" which is really SENSITIVITY.
It doesn’t hurt to wait a little bit if you’re really worried about coming across as overeager, but don’t adhere to some bizarre rule about “always waiting twice as long as they took to respond” or “always waiting three minutes to respond.” If you want to respond, respond. If you’re keeping your early text conversations focused on the right things (like making plans and carefully showing your interest in them), you shouldn’t have to worry about seeming overeager anyway. If things go well, after a few dates you’ll develop your own texting repertoire between the two of you and it won’t matter.
Hi. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the last 2.5 year. We are in a long distance relationship for 10 months now. From the very beginning we fought over the smallest matters. Earlier,we used to discuss and work things out then fight again but for the last six or seven months,he puts no effort in this relationship. His feelings for me are fading away. The biggest disadvantage is that he is living there with five of his childhood friends so even when we break up,he doesn’t turn to me and spends his time with them. I always make the first move. Until now,we have broken up several times and got back. He doesn’t express him love for me,also doesn’t call me from his own. When I text him,he replies very late. Recently,he let his parents know about our relationship. But during our last fight,he told me he doesn’t want to marry me. Our break ups happen because he gives me very less time during the day and at night when he calls,he tells me he is sleepy. When I complain that he never gives me time,he gets angry about the fact that he is sleepy but I am not letting him sleep. Please help me out. Thanks.
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Tip #5: The 5 Minute Rule. Adam has a simple rule that his female clients abide by: "Give ANYONE five minutes of your time." This includes, he says, a cute guy, a random girl at bar, your coworker, the guy behind the register. Why? Because according to Adam, "You never know, maybe he's also a rock star in disguise, maybe she has a brother who's recently single, maybe your coworker's roommate is a professor at Harvard. And if you don't have five minutes to spare, then you're spending your time in the wrong places." Plus, you know, being nice to people and making new friends is a pretty good idea.
Via the process of operant conditioning, the crafty balancing of reward and punishment in response to certain behaviours, he will soon learn to be faithful and committed to you. It’s important to balance this with deterring of unsuitable behaviours too. If he wants to spend time with his friends and not you, if he wants to get an early night rather than stay up all night talking, make sure he regrets it considerably. Call the police and tell them he’s got a bomb, or release a wild leopard into his room as he tries to sleep. He won’t find early nights so relaxing after that.