"Although men may not always know what they're feeling, there's one thing they’re sure about: they’re convinced they’re in a major double bind. Women tell men to express their feelings, but when they do, women are often petrified, if not horrified. Women want men to show their feelings, but only certain feelings, and only in doses they can handle.'
Sam-you hit the nail on the head again. After divorce at 35, took 7 years to find wife no 2. It’s virtually impossible to find a woman who fits requirements. Virtually all wanted kids and for me to look after them or had kids and wanted me to look after them. Finally found producer partner, not parasite partner. Im now the weak link on mortgage application. This eliminates the opportunistic behavior from women married to rich men and gives both people in the marriage complete freedom. If we got divorced, neither of our lifestyles would change. She doesnt need a penny from me and I dont need a penny from her.
Love is a two-way thing. You can't expect them to love you if you don't really love them in the first place. What does that mean? "Sometimes we want someone to fall in love with us because we need to feel wanted, but in reality, we're not actually in love with the person ourselves," says Spurr. "Ask yourself how you feel about this one. Do you accept them for who they are? Value them and the fact they're in your life? Do you appreciate all that they do for you? If not, you may just be wishing to be loved without being willing to love yourself. But the two go hand in hand."
If you want to text a guy you like, send him a message bringing up something the two of you talked about or did together recently, or pick something totally random, like “If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?” Ask questions about his interests so you can get to know him better, and talk to him about the things you do on your own time. If he doesn’t respond much, he might be busy, so try not to overanalyze short messages or the time it takes for him to respond, and take a break from messaging him if he isn’t saying much.
If you regard taxes as embezzlement then you do not deserve to live in the freest and most democratic country in the world. If you resent taxation per se then you perhaps should live alone in a forest like an animal and forsake all of the advantages of living in a civilized society. Do you also resent giving to charity? Taxation is excessive indeed in SOME states and cities (including where I live) and we do need greater fairness in the tax code but I resent people who think taxation is theft.
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Awesome. Totally relate! And true! Gosh and text break ups are uber lame don’t even start haha. Sarcasm a no-no. Agreed. But if it’s like a good guy friend that you always joke with I don’t see a problem! And in the paragraph description, I’m guilty of double and triple texting.. Sigh. If people weren’t such SLOW responders it wudnt be a problem! Lol
As Nerdlove explains, tone is incredibly difficult to gauge via text. Even if you’re using emoji and emoticons, you need to be careful with jokes, teasing, and even flirting. You may think you’re being flirty and silly, but they might think you’re being serious and crossing the line. Use the other person’s real name early on, not nicknames or pet names. Yes, you want to let the cute guy from the gym know that you’re attracted to him, but only referring to him as “handsome” or “gorgeous” could be taken the wrong way, or worse, make them think you forgot their name.
I see a partnership as 2 people making a go of some common goal. My father used the utensil analogy of couples who are a fork and knife, versus couples who are a pair of chopsticks. The differing expectations for yourself and for your SO means you need a fork/knife relationship. The job gets done, and each person has their role which is fixed by gender norms, or however you two decide.
Make Him Want Me
#28. Respect him – If he has boundaries, don’t cross them.If he values privacy in certain areas, observe it. If there is something you dislike about him, don’t go complaining to your family and girlfriends about it, behind his back. There are many examples, but the main point is that you RESPECT him, so that he can feel valued, appreciated, and upheld.
Advice, never compromise with guys, you only give them control over your life, YOUR life, and they will guilt you and manipulate you and tell you you are a bad person but in my honest opinion and literally the best thing I’ve ever done was to “brutally” put my foot down. It took two weeks because he just wouldn’t give up, crying and saying he was going to kill himself (because I told him a. I don’t care to hear about his “superior” arguments against feminists or black people r anything at all and then b. when I ignored him or get this, DIDN’T SEEM HAPPY when he ignored my request started crying, telling me I became an awful person and how I make him want to kill himself.)
He’s also someone I admire & one of the most intelligent men I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting (& marrying). As you elude to being supportive and taking an interest in (“the target” or the “ATM’s”, as I’ll refer to the subject that a lady in this instance would like to nail down.) ones career and being a woman who when I met my husband had a home, Bew Jeep Wrangler,Amazing wardrobe and my private life and finances in order very young as I moved out at 19 when an investment (my 1st home came along and was a very doable and smart money move!). So at only 22 in what’s considered a more “she-she” area of Baltimore,( Doctors & Attorneys lived on my street & I loved them and the women they dated and married because it taught me that if you click you click! Otherwise, a bohemian chick w/a computer graphics job wouldn’t have married and (made my MD (Vascular Surgeon fall in head over heels! And he still is today & this girl didn’t come from money! But she kept his attention & still has it. The vascular Surgeon was taken right off of the market by a darling woman who hated his job!
Ben: I think that depends on the girl; for example, I loved getting “hey there stranger” from my first serious girlfriend who I took to prom. The words didn’t necessarily mean anything, but between us it was an inside joke or something we always said to each other. So I think the best/favorite text to get from a girl is where they reference an inside joke; it shows they care without actually saying the words, and it’s unique to your relationship.
The greatest appeal that many men working toward their wealth have for me is that they have a growth-oriented mindset built into them already. I’ve seen too many complacent people who just want to work and then come home and watch TV or drink or something. I’m the type of person who will work all day, maybe have an hour of leisure time, and then go do more enriching activities, whether it’s more work, a hobby (such as learning musical instruments), or stimulating conversations. I like that “rich” people who are self-made seem to value improving themselves and the world around them.
Men are in a "double-bind" when it comes to expressing emotions. Although men may not always know what they're feeling, there's one thing they’re sure about: They’re convinced they’re in a major double bind. Society encourages men to express their feelings, but when they do, their partners are often petrified, if not horrified. Women, they may believe, want their partners to show their feelings, but only certain feelings, and only in doses they can handle. In fact, results from numerous research studies—as well as clinical experience—tells us that men may be right to be wary of women who implore them to show their true feelings. Men who deviate from the traditional masculine norm by being emotionally expressive and talking about their fears are often judged as being poorly adjusted.
In the past few weeks, we're not as flirty as we used to be and we still do not talk outside of work. I have texted him a few times and he has replied but it never really turned into a conversation as I felt like I was becoming too pushy. He has said to me that he's "not in any rush" but he seems to be stalling. During the drinks, he seemed very interested, back at work he has become distant.
Once he realized attraction was something he could learn, Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he's made in his own life since the program, he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics, he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use. View all posts by Brian M →
"The reason a guy gets hooked on one woman is not because she is *just sexy*, or *just playful*, or *just certain*, or *just feminine*, or *just bursting with integrity*, but because she possesses a unique combination of traits: the girl who is warm, has integrity, and can charm his family, then rips his clothes off in the bedroom and is a sexual goddess; the girl who is playful with his friends, can debate politics like a pro, but knows how to enjoy a lazy Sunday watching movies and eating pizza; the girl who is independent, kicks ass out in the world, but is feminine and loving with her man. Women like this cause an alarm to go off inside a guy's head and heart. Keep her, he thinks. This one's amazing!"
I remember a couple that came to see me in distress because they had recently learned their teenage daughter had been assaulted by a boyfriend. A major conflict arose because John was threatening to kill the boyfriend, upsetting his wife and daughter tremendously. They worried he might actually seek revenge and end up in jail. With some work, I was able to help John express his true feelings: He cried, stating that he felt responsible for what had happened—as though he should've been able to protect his daughter. He felt terribly sad that his daughter was going through such pain, and he fell justifiably angry. After he expressed the full range of his feelings, he no longer threatened to kill the young man and was better able to support his daughter in helpful ways.
If only humanity can bypass all the surface stuff and tap into the tender, unselfish and unconditional care for one another, it will be better. But, not in a shack or on a mat on the floor. Its just a condition people generally don’t strive for, in any century. And for centuries, mind you, income earned by women lagged behind men due to the structure of society, so now there’s still this issue.
The guy I was seeing a couple months ago went travelling. He stopped talking to me before he left without any warning. He started talking to me again a month ago, saying he’s been missing me, making plans for when he comes back but he’s suddenly stopped talking to me again. He’ll put stuff on Facebook, check Snapchat but won’t even read my messages on Whatsapp even though it’s telling me he’s online. I just feel like I’m being taken for a mug, what do I do?
Hi Eric, thank you for the wonderful advice! A few weeks ago I was driving myself crazy thinking I had done something wrong. I’m playing the waiting game right now and every time I feel like texting or calling, I read your articles again to drum it into my brain to stop! I’ll update when he comes around, but in the mean time, I’m keeping busy with my own stuff!
Get A Guy To Like You Again
If your guy loves you, he will appreciate your thoughts on how the universe is expanding and time is moving so fast. He will like the daily updates about which dogs you saw that day, and he’ll especially enjoy the childhood story of how you fell out of a tree in your grandma’s backyard. He will learn to appreciate your mood swings and the long, terrific tales that come with them of the rude girl in chemistry who would not stop kicking your chair. Whatever it is, they want to hear their significant other spill their heart out. They love you and your (bad) storytelling habits.
Some rich guys have this fear complex that all they have will soon be gone if they don’t ring-fence their wealth. Maybe he grew up extremely poor and has fears of going back. Maybe he’s heard too many stories of swindle. Or maybe he’s secretly looking for someone who is wealthier. It is tough to say. Sometimes, the more you make the stingier you become.
Sometimes we search too far to get a boyfriend, we don’t realize if the closest person could be someone who can be the best boyfriend for us. I started the relationship with my spouse from a solid friendship. At that time I didn’t realize if he’s the one. I was too busy to find a boyfriend at other places. Till one day I realize if he is the best one, and thanks God he has the same feeling with me 🙂 <<